Be Your Own
Valentine

15 ways To Love Yourself
And Share that Love with Others

Romance and hearts filled with chocolates will surely warm February’s frosty temperatures, but the best Valentine’s Day gift we can give to those we love may involve bestowing some love on ourselves first.

“When we are over-stressed, our energy and enthusiasm for giving to or caring for the important others in our lives is diminished. We haven’t the heart for it,” says Edward A. Schechtman, Ph.D, a licensed psychologist in private practice in Commack, “and we may even be resentful of the demands we feel are being made of us.” Schechtman adds, “When we are rested and we have enough free time to ourselves to get enough sleep, to eat properly, to participate in recreation and socialize with our friends, we will be better able and more willing to give freely to the important people in our lives.”

Frances Cohen Praver, Ph.D., a Locust Valley clinical psychologist and relational psychoanalyst agrees.“Care of self is the first order of business. That entails accepting one’s limitations and finding creative ways to live within them and also drawing on one’s strengths to pursue one’s own passions,” says Praver. “A cardio-dance class could stimulate you, a yoga class could calm you down, a book club could heighten your pleasure, a class in quantum mechanics or Chinese cooking could exercise your brain, or a spa treatment could pamper you. Once you feel more complete with yourself, you’ll have much more to give.”

Taking care of mind, body and spirit is essential to total well-being. Explore some of the ways you can give to yourself so you can give more to others.

1. Boost Your Self-Esteem. Often we are our own worst critics, remember to give yourself a pat on the back.

“A very important first step to building self-esteem,” says Robert H. Phillips, Ph.D., of the Center for Coping in Hicksville, “is to be aware of self-referent statements like ‘I can’t believe how stupid you are, you never do anything right.’” Phillips notes that people whose self-esteem is low frequently are not aware of how negative they are in their comments to themselves. He recommends setting a goal of reducing the frequency of negative self-referent statements and increasing the frequency of realist, positive self-referent statements by saying for example, “you did a pretty good job on that,” or “you’re learning to improve, not bad this time.”

2. Recognize the “Overs.” Robin Goodman, Ph.D., art therapist, author and contributor to CBS Morning News’ The Early Show, advises everyone to be attuned to signs of the “overs”—being overwhelmed, over stressed, overworked, and overscheduled. She says “It’s important to first recognize the warning signs that you need to take a step back or break. Then figure out your own quick mental and physical breaks. For example, is there certain music that can change your mood, does physical activity do the trick during a stressful day, or might it be a painting class that will help?”

3. Schedule Me Time. You may recognize the need for a break, but you don’t feel right about taking the time to do something for yourself. Goodman says, “Being good to oneself is so important. It also needs to be seen as doable. If someone doesn’t want to do it for him/herself then motivation right off the bat should be to see it as a gift to others as well.”

4. Reduce Stress. Treat yourself to an ancient method of stress reduction, Yoga. “One of the most amazing things about yoga is that there is so much to the science of yoga that we can find just what we need at any age and as we grow, our practice grows and changes with us,” says Nancy Owens, who teaches yoga and meditation and is Vice President of the Long Island Yoga Association. Visit lessstressyoga.com for information about yoga classes with Nancy Owens or to learn more about her Stress Reduction CD which allows for an in-home yoga session.

GET FIT

5. Walking leads to better cardiovascular health. The heart also benefits from a romantic winter walk along the beach or on one of the Island’s many meandering woodland paths.

6. Dancing is another way to strengthen the heart, both physically and emotionally. Visit lidance.org for dance classes, studios and places to get your heart pumping.

7. Yoga is beneficial to the body as well as the mind. Adding and maintaining flexibility is important as we age. Muscles grow tight if they aren’t stretched regularly. Agility as we go about our daily routines can lower the risk of injury and also make us more self-confident. Nancy Owens recommends a book by Lilias Folan who had a PBS yoga show that aired during the ’70s and ‘80s. Owens says, “Lilias! Yoga Gets Better with Age, provides comfortable ways to work with our bodies to increase and maintain both range of motion and positive outlooks.”

INDULGE HEALTHFULLY

8. Dark Chocolate has been in the news as studies show it is a potent antioxidant and can even lower blood pressure. Everything in moderation of course, but why not indulge in some healthful dark chocolate bon-bons with your partner?

9. Fruit is Sweet and Nutritious. Loaded with vitamins and antioxidants, sharing an assortment with loved ones is a great way to reward yourself and others. Festive presentations can be purchased as a one-time gift or try Fruit-of-the Month collections from Harry and David. Shop the catalog or visit HarryandDavid.com.

10. Set Aside Tea Time for a relaxing and healthful moment. Studies have shown tea contains blood-thinning flavonoids that can reduce the risk of dangerous blood clots. Tea also contains anticancer components epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG) and quercetin. Brew a pot at home, or visit Robinson’s Tea Room in Stony Brook for a healthful spot of tea.

11. Toast to Health with a glass of red wine. The National Cancer Institute’s findings show that red wine is a rich source of compounds called polyphenols which are thought to have antioxidant or anti-cancer properties. Visit liwines.com for some fine red wines of Long Island.

12. How about some Cheese with that Wine? According to the National Dairy Council, human dental plaque acidity studies, which measure a food’s cariogenic potential, demonstrate that cheeses such as aged Cheddar, Swiss, blue, Monterey Jack, mozzarella, Brie, Gouda, and American processed cheese prevent plaque pH from falling to a level conducive to the development of dental caries. Dental caries is a demineralization of the tooth surface caused by bacteria. Cheese may buffer or neutralize plaque acids and stimulate saliva flow, which has caries-reducing properties. So say “cheese” and smile.

GET CLOSE

13. Laughing increases feel-good endorphins and lowers stress levels, plus it’s a fun way to get close to another! Watch some classic funny films together featuring Charlie Chaplin, The Marx Brothers or the Three Stooges.

14. A New Hobby can add excitement to life. Try something you’ve never done before, either with your partner or alone. Read Get a Hobby!:101 All-Consuming Diversions for Any Lifestyle, (amazon.com).

15. Combine Interests. He loves cars, I love gardens and historic houses. My husband and I attended a Car Show at Old Westbury Gardens last spring and had fun doing something together that combined our interests. (By the way…we found we each enjoyed the cars and the gardens.)

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