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Ask the dr : Midlife Cliche May Be True

q.

Dear Dr. Brothers: I’m not a big believer in clichés or stereotypes—I don’t really think the grass is always greener and am loath to debate whether the glass is half-empty or half-full. But upon my 45th birthday, I found myself in an irreversible funk. Friends tell me it’s a sure sign of midlife crisis, but I have no intention of buying a flashy red sports car or getting cosmetic surgery! Is there really such a thing as a midlife crisis?

a.

Dear S.B.: Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as a midlife crisis. Recent studies, soon to be published in the journal Social Science and Medicine, have shown that people in their 40s are more susceptible to feelings of depression and feeling plain miserable. Possible reasons for feeling the midlife funk? You may not have achieved all you wanted to by your age, or you may be starting to see some of your friends and extended family members aging or dying. Even your parents seem “old.” But it’s not all doom and gloom. Just because you may be in a ditch right now doesn’t mean you’ll always lie in the dirt. Too often, we accept our present circumstances as somehow being set in stone as we tell ourselves, “Well, this is how it’s going to be from now on; I might as well live with it.” But the same study that indicates misery in middle age also says that happiness comes in a U-shaped curve—that we eventually break out of the depression at the outset of our “golden years.” It’s really all in how you think about it, and how you personally define it. Many people view middle age as a wake-up call to start enjoying life—a vital call to action to get some things done instead of telephone calls to the nursing home to reserve a room. Don’t give in to the old myths.

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